He's trying to calm me down, but I'm too frantic now, too angry and upset and I hate it. I hate this, I hate him, for having what I want and not even knowing how hard it is...

"I can't. It doesn't hurt less, I just don't care as much. I'd let it kill me if I could just have it, just for a little while, if I could just know what it was like--"

I lean in closer, hissing. "You don't understand. Darkness is just a fog to you, it clings and it dampens but it can be washed away for you, you can escape it. It's my life, it's everything I am and everything I can have and nothing is going to change that, Right. Nothing."