[For Hiromu]

[silverpleather]

It's been two years since the defeat of Messiah.

I suppose things have changed quite a lot since I woke up- not, as I had expected, in the EMC's own infirmary, but in an actual honest-to-goodness hospital, hooked up to more machines than I could probably name.

Also, eleven years old.

I probably shouldn't have woken up, probably shouldn't have been able to, with all the scrambled data that made me up in a metaphysical sense, too old and too addled to just go back into my little body and be dragged out before the subdimension collapsed. But that's what happened, and I wasn't even unconscious for more than two days, which was frankly, the doctors said, some kind of miracle.

The miracle is that I'm still kicking around two years later. I'm guess I'm supposed to be thankful that my body just kicked back into gear and started aging normally, but I'm learning very quickly that having missed puberty the first time around, I'm really in a unique position to hate it exponentially more this time.

I'm living with Hiromu now. How he's putting up with me through this, I will never understand, but he loves me and I love him, we've been through so much together... And as long as we're careful not to be too affectionate when we go out of the house (as if I ever really go out of the house much anymore), it works for us.

We're both still technically employed by EMC, but mostly for protection and support. We each get a stipend for things like groceries, my parents' estate pays for the house. Hiromu has gone back to school, to university, something he never had the opportunity for before, during the fighting and all.

I mostly sit around at home, spending time with Nick and Kotako, and honestly, feeling sorry for myself.

Comments

[silverpleather]

Masato says some rubbish about not telling them, which indicates to me that if we hadn't literally, accidentally stumbled upon him, he wouldn't have told us either.

I pull back and arrange my face into what I hope is the most aggressive annoyance I can manage. He needs to know how I feel about this, after all.

"How dare you." I grit out, as deep as I can force my voice to go. It still doesn't sound like 'me', not like the me I was used to, from the Avatar. My voice is deepening, slowly, and cracks sometimes in the most unflattering ways. I can only hope that it won't, this time. This is too serious. "How dare you come back in any way and try to stay away from us. I needed you. The commander needs you. You left, and now you're trying to stay away. How dare you?" I scowl up at him and shake my head firmly.

"You're telling him. Them. Or I will."

[goldenikemen]

They both don't like that idea, reacting in different ways, but saying the same message. Hiromu is calm, speaking with care and a measured gentleness, while Emeric pulls back and glares and spells everything out to me with a cold rage of his I know all too well.

They're right, they are. I know that, but I still...

Maybe it would have been better if the Professor hadn't found my lingering data, maybe it would be better if he deactivated my avatar, sent me back into the database. It wasn't like my existence there was bad, dull, but not painful or uncomfortable.

But I want to be here. I want to exist in this reality in any way that I can. I'm still trying to figure out if I even count as being Jin Masato, when I'm just reactivated backup data, when there's no body left for me to hope to revive. But I want to be here, and I want to be here for Emi.

And I very much want to see Kurorin again.

"Okay." I give Hiromu a nod, and Emeric a small grip. "You're right. He... they deserve to know."

[red_pleather]

Jin's doing that 'enhhhh' thing he does, where he scrunches up his mouth and really obviously doesn't want to do something. But in the end he gives in, and I smile in relief.

"I'd want to know. In that position."

Not that I've thought about it. Not that I've woken up at night sick with guilt at how relieved I feel that Jin sacrificed himself for Emi and not the other way around.

[silverpleather]

I finally bring myself to pull away from him, to straighten my back and drop my shoulders and compose myself. I rub angrily at my cheeks for a moment before realizing how patently ridiculously childish that must look from the outside and stop.

I flounder, unsure of what to do for a moment, and sigh.

"Anyway. We, um. Where are we?"

[goldenikemen]

There's a flash of something in Hiromu's eyes, a glimmer of sadness, or possibly guilt. I wonder about it for a moment, before pushing the thought aside. It's his place to carry whatever he will from everything that happened, and it's Emeric's place, not mine, to help unpack all of that.

I've always been shit at unpacking emotional baggage anyway.

When Emeric pulls away I straighten my posture, and it's so strange being taller than him again. I wasn't a tall man, and my avatar certainly isn't any taller; I'm sure before long he'll be taller than me once more.

"Ah," I glance over at the Professor, and then Kazuraba, unsure of how much I'm allowed to give away.

"Zawame City." That at least has to be information I can give them.